I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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