she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
