Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
