Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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