I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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