the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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