Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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