Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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