dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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