Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
