All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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