my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
