So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
