Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize