Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
