Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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