Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
