sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
