hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Pooping to opera.
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