There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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