Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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