i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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