...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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