You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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