bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the day after is always just damage control
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
