i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
