I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize