You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
