then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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