He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
