Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
