OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
