I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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