On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
