can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
