I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
