Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
