remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
