Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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