Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
