you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
