Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
