if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
