I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize