You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
