Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
