The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize