legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
