I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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