We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
