So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
