there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize