Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
