all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
