She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
