we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
