my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
