I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
