Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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