Soap is not a condiment
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
