There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
