i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
