You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
