dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
