found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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