His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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