how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
