I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
