I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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