why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
