Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
