it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
