my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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