I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
