take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize