I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Text me some of your sweat
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
