Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
