I just threw up on my dentist
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
