I wish I could punch you in the face.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
