I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
