i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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