Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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