How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we made out on top of his cat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You pole danced in your parka.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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