Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize