I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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