You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
