You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
