We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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