The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize