escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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