you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
