okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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