drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
