the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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