hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
