i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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