i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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