so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
