Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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