you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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