Where did you get a picture of my penis
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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