I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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