If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
