Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
