Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
