you would pick up someone in the library
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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