You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
