If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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