When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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