my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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