Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
