She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
